Thursday, 4 December 2008

Chinese checklist

1. Haggle: Haggle with people without getting angry, despite how completely ridiculous haggling is, and how most chinese traders think foreigners are idiots.
2. Accept that people will generally clear out their noses and spit in cafes, lifts and subways.
3. Bring good socks and deodorant, because neither exist in china.
4. Don't fall for the common misconception we have in England that the more money you spend the higher quality something will be. Spend 20kwai on a thermos flask and it will leak and break. spend 100kwai on a thermos flask in stainless steel, with a handle and product guarantee, and it will leak and break.
5. Feel free to take your skateboard and take large drops down marble staircases, security guards welcome the enterainment.
6. If you have feet bigger than a size UK9.5, then buying footwear will not be easy.
7. Use the opportunity to compliment someone when their english in good, especially if you don't speak chinese.
8. Be aware of how fortunate you are; please don't whine about how horrible it all is, and how fantastic it would be if we were all socialists or communists.
me father always said, "i can stand 'owt but a whiner"
9. Try the 'hotpot' a fantastic idea where you go to a resteraunt, buy all the food raw then try your best to cook it yourself.
10. a simple but effective way to clear off beggars, pimps, tricksters and undesirables- extend your open hand right into their face stopping 2inches away, keep it there, they shut up and clear off. crude but 'in the spirit.'
11. Play ping-pong in the park on a sunday, and get your ass handed to you on a plate.